Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Political correctness aside..

Lets take a look at the new TLC tv show about the conjoined twins. Abby and Brittany. I cannot think of one single thing that I can say about the show that isn't going to make me look like a bitch or worse yet an uncaring individual. I did find it interesting when they explained exactly what organs they share and the ones that they each have individually. But. I am just gonna say it. It's odd. It's different. I think TLC tries new shows out just for shock value. Just to see how far they can push that shock envelope before people shut off their tv and walk away.

Speaking of which:

Don't even get me started on Honey Boo Boo child. (that sound you just heard was my head exploding).

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Hindsight is always 20/20

Well it's almost midnight and I am sweating, sitting in front of the fan trying to cool off.

When I was a little girl, I would guess around 11 or so, I had an autograph book. I wanted that autograph book so bad! When I finally got it, I realized that I really didn't have any autographs to "get".  I lived out on a farm with my parents, way out in the middle of no where. Rarely did we see anyone else, except maybe a neighbor passing by on the road.
We did have an elderly lady neighbor, named Nelle,  who lived about a mile away and I would ride my bike over to see her sometimes. She was friendly and nice and she had a son who was a make up artist in Hollywood. I loved listening to her stories about her one and only child. She would show me photos that he sent her and we would watch reruns of Lassie the tv show to see where his name was on the credits. I met him once when he came home around Christmas. He brought a fruit cake and I really did not like fruit cake or want to eat any but could tell that it was important to her that I try her son's gift. I did and if I remember correctly I was polite, nibbled a bit on it and later slipped the rest of my piece into the trash.
I guess she probably enjoyed my company and I enjoyed getting away from our farm and seeing someone other than my parents.
I remember taking my autograph book to her house one afternoon and asking her to write something in it.
She laid it on the table and said she would think of something and I could come back tomorrow and get it.
So that is what I did. When I returned the next afternoon, she handed me the book and patted my hand. She said what I wrote is an important lesson for a young lady like you.
I opened the book and found the page she had written on. It said in her flowery yet shaky handwriting:

Love many,
Trust few,
but always paddle your own canoe.

I didn't know what it really meant at the time.
I understand it now, but wish I had followed that lesson sooner in my life.
When I think back on it now, she was a very wise lady.
I am glad I knew her.

I think if I ever met a little girl who had an autograph book, I would write the same thing.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012


I look at this photo of the elephant and I can relate to it (and not because I have a big nose and dry, scaly skin. REALLY.). I can relate because the elephant is pushing, pushing, pushing to get something rolling, to move forward. 

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


On Sunday, something became clear to me. I have lost my vision. Not my eyesight vision, but my insight vision. The vision as to what I see in my future. It almost frightens me as  now when  I look forward and  in my mind's eye I see nothing past a couple of months. It's almost like looking at a plain white wall. What does this mean? How do I get that vision back? 

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

A new day

It seems really dark out this morning and it is starting to rain. What I wouldn't give for a really good thunderstorm about now.

I woke up to the sound of a siren on our street. Sirens are pretty normal around here and you can rarely go outside and not hear one. I don't like it, but that's reality in the city.

I like my coffee too sweet and really hot and this morning it turned out just right.

So in spite of the sirens, the day is starting off well.
Rain, good coffee and the knowledge that today is a new day.
Full of possibilities.
Full of being nice, and loving to others, but most of all to myself.
Full of memories of middle of the night whispers, touches and passion.
Full of love for a man that deserves so much more than what I am able to give him.

It seems ok to think of the bad days, like yesterday, in the light of morning.
I guess it is because my mental slate is clean and I can start all over again.
It's also because I am somewhat  rested. Being tired makes all transgressions seem uglier.

I am going to go make another cup of coffee and stand on the back steps and watch the rain.

*image found here.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

So. I had a whole post typed out about stuff that no one really wants to read about. I erased it. You can thank me later.

We had a garage sale. A lady came by and bought this big yard swing. It's metal and has a covering, so it's not easy to move. She paid for it and said she would send her husband back the next day to pick it up. Guess what? He never came. We are wondering if she totally forgot the address? She didn't take any names or numbers, so now what? It makes me giggle just a little bit as it sounds like something I would do. Except that I am a lot tighter with my money and I would have definitely taken down the address and phone number if I paid for it!

We are rearranging the bf's house and doing some painting. I have had my nose in pinterest looking at all the paint colors and decorating ideas. So many beautiful things! So many impractical ones, too.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

A bunch of thoughts...

Tonight is National Night Out, where neighborhoods get together to chat and meet their neighbors.  Our neighborhood is having a little get together and I think we will go for a little while. We have nice neighbors, so that is a good thing. I think they are BBQing also, but I am kinda weird about eating potluck stuff from people I don't really know. I have a huge fear of food poisoning! Did they wash their hands when they were cooking it? Is it cooked to the proper temperature? See? Neurotic potluck worries. 

This week I am starting one on one therapy. I don't know if you have ever been to therapy, but I have and I know how hard it is to begin with. It is always really mentally draining to have to give your whole life history basically and spill all the good and bad stuff. In the end, it will be a good thing, as I need to talk to someone and get some non judgmental feedback on some issues I am having.

Classes for me start in about 3 weeks. I am excited to get going again and also excited to be finished in December. This last semester will be a lot of independent work on my portfolio, a history of photography class, and an advanced visual journalism class. I am really excited that I will have a portfolio show with one other student in December sometime, it will be great to show our work, get some feedback and hopefully be seen by some industry big wigs here in the metro.

I love to watch all the HGTV shows. But, man alive, some of the people on that show are so picky! I would hate to be their relator. I think I would lose my cool when they constantly complain about everything. People just don't want to compromise and seriously? you cannot have every thing you want! I suppose it wouldn't be a good show to watch if everyone just picked the first thing that they showed them.

Thursday, August 2, 2012